


Bad Days

by Donovanspen



Series: Don't Push Me Away [3]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Communication, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Frustrated Magnus Bane, Hurt feelings, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Vulnerability
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:00:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24582697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donovanspen/pseuds/Donovanspen
Summary: They’ve come a long way with opening up and being vulnerable with each other, but sometimes, it’s easy to slip back into bad habits.“Magnus had to wonder if it was even worth it to have this conversation. Alec was stubborn and not likely to let it go, but he doubted they would resolve anything this morning.”
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: Don't Push Me Away [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1747138
Comments: 9
Kudos: 145





	Bad Days

**Author's Note:**

> I always thought Alec was very open with Magnus once he decided to be with him. I wanted to explore the possibility that Alec may have struggled with letting his guard down and letting Magnus see some of those vulnerable moments.
> 
> Takes place early Season 3.

Magnus closed his book and sent it back to the bookshelf with a wave of his hand. He hadn’t been able to concentrate on anything, and there was no use in keeping up the pretense. Alec should’ve been finished several hours ago, but he still hadn’t heard from his boyfriend. There had been a lot of demon activity lately, and with the recent heavy snowfalls, the Shadowhunters had been pushed to their limits. Magnus hadn’t seen Alec for several days now, but he was supposed to spend tonight at the loft. With each passing minute, Magnus was becoming more worried.

Alec had insisted he stay home, and as he was no longer the High Warlock, Magnus had agreed to his wishes. Of course, had he known there would be this much activity on top of bad weather, he would have never agreed to Alec’s request. He had just decided to track his boyfriend when he felt the slight push against his wards. He was up and over to the door before Alec had it open.

“Alexander!” The gasp left his mouth as all thoughts of pulling his boyfriend into a hug fled his mind. Alec’s cheeks were red from the cold, and his eyes were bloodshot, most likely from fatigue. His hair and clothes were wet, and Magnus could see the last bits of snowflakes melting from the heat of the building. “You’re soaked through and freezing. How long were you out there in this skimpy jacket?”

Alec shrugged as he placed his weapons in the corner. “Can’t shoot and fight in bulky clothes.” He tried to unzip his jacket, but his hands were trembling too much for him to get a good grip.

“Here, let me.” Magnus stepped forward and began peeling Alec out of his wet outer layers. His frown grew as he noticed that they had indeed provided little protection as Alec’s sweater was also damp. “Why didn’t you call for a portal? You know I would have gladly done so. You are positively chilled to the bone.”

“I’m fine.” Alec pulled away and leaned over to work on taking off his boots. His hands were still shaking a bit.

“I got it,” Magnus said as he reached for it.

“Magnus!” Alec snapped, pulling away from him. “I can do it. I don’t need a lecture.”

Hurt warred with frustration, but frustration won out. Magnus rolled his eyes but didn’t make a move to help Alec anymore. “You’re cold, wet, and exhausted. I wasn’t lecturing you. I was fussing over you. There is a difference, but I’ll leave you to it.”

He had just finished brushing his teeth when he heard Alec come up to the bathroom door. He glanced back over his shoulder and barely bit back an exclamation. In the dim lighting in the foyer, he couldn’t really see how pale Alec was, but here in the brighter light of the bathroom, Alec looked positively ghastly. He was slumped in the doorframe and looked as if he was a second away from falling to the floor. As much as he wanted to rush over to him, Magnus stayed back.

“Well, I’m heading to bed. Is there anything you need?”

“Magnus, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped at you.”

“You’re tired. As long as you’re all right…”

“I’m not,” Alec said.

“Are you hurt?” Magnus had his hands raised before he realized what he was doing. No longer worried that he would be rebuffed, he moved closer to Alec.

“No, just wiped out.”

“Darling, when was the last time you slept?”

Alec blinked and frowned. “I slept for a few hours after we had lunch.”

“Alexander, that was three days ago! Have you been patrolling in this condition? You could have been killed.”

“My runes.”

Magnus held back the first words that came to mind, knowing they wouldn’t be appreciated. “How about we get you out of these wet clothes and into a nice warm bed?”

Alec gave him a sleepy nod, and Magnus was thankful for small mercies.

Not convinced that Alec hadn’t missed an injury in his fatigued state, Magnus decided not to use magic to get him changed for bed. Instead he started the shower and pulled Alec further into the bathroom. Sitting him on the toilet seat, he grabbed hold of his sweater.

“Here. Lift your arms. There we go.” He was pleased to not see any scratches or marks on his arms, back or chest. He then knelt down and pulled off his socks.

“Pants next. Come on. He pulled Alec to his feet and held him steady as they worked to get Alec out of the damp pants. “Stay with me,” he murmured when Alec stumbled against him.

“Ok, just a minute in the shower to warm you up.” He guided Alec under the warm spray and waited a moment to be sure his boyfriend would stay on his feet. When he saw Alec reach for the soap, he stepped away to get him a towel. Normally, he would have joined him in the shower, but he still wasn’t sure how much help Alec wanted.

He did stay close and was there to help when Alec stepped out. He held out the towel, but Alec put such little effort into drying off that Magnus took the towel and did it himself. The shower had done the job of warming him up, and a little bit of color had returned to Alec’s complexion.

“All finished,” Magnus told him. “Let’s get you to bed.”

“You coming?” Alec asked.

Magnus didn’t bother with any sleep clothes but instead nudged Alec towards the bed and pulled the covers up over him once he got settled. Alec was already reaching for him before he could fully get in on his side. Magnus always appreciated how affectionate Alec was. It was one of the reasons he’d felt so rejected earlier. He thought they had gotten past the point of where Alec would push him away.

He tried not to dwell on those troubling thoughts and instead snuggled into Alec’s embrace. Now that he was taking a rest himself, his own fatigue was weighing on him.

It was barely after 7am when Magnus woke up. Damn Shadowhunters and their early mornings. He wasn’t sure when he’d adopted Alec’s sleep schedule, but there were mornings, such as this one, when he thought it was wholly unfair. But Alec probably needed to be back at the Institute. He rolled over and saw Alec was still asleep. Neither of them had thought to set an alarm last night.

“Alexander,” he called out in a soft voice. “It’s after 7. What time do you need to be in?”

Alec rolled over and cuddled up next to Magnus and buried his face in the warmth of his neck. Magnus nudged him with his shoulder and tried again. “Alexander, when do you have to go in?”

“Not until noon. Izzy’s covering this morning.”

Despite his muffled voice, Magnus understood what he’d said. He was just about to nod back off when Alec spoke again.

“I’m sorry.”

“For?” he asked more out of habit than actual curiosity.

“Last night.”

“You were tired,” he muttered.

“Magnus.” Alec pulled back and propped up on his arm to stare down at him with heavy eyes.

Realizing he wasn’t likely to get back to sleep until they had this conversation, he rolled onto his side and propped himself up as well, so he was facing Alec. “You’re wasting a perfectly good opportunity to sleep in.”

“And you’re avoiding talking to me. I’m trying to apologize.”

“You apologized last night.”

“Are you angry?”

“No.”

“But?”

“Alexander, we’re both tired.”

“And we can go back to sleep. After.”

Magnus had to wonder if it was even worth it to have this conversation. Alec was stubborn and not likely to let it go, but he doubted they would resolve anything this morning.

“So, we’re not going to talk about it?” Alec asked.

“Is there a point?”

“If that’s how you feel, then yeah, there’s a point. I get that you’re upset…”

“But do you know why?” Magnus interrupted.

“I shouldn’t have snapped at you last night. You didn’t deserve that.”

“You’re right. I didn’t deserve it last night or the other times either.” He waited a second to let his words sink in. “I know you’re under a lot of pressure, but your initial reaction to push me away is troubling and hurtful.”

“I know.” Alec shifted onto this back and stared up at the ceiling.

“Well good. Problem solved.” Magnus rolled over and tried to get comfortable, but he knew he probably wouldn’t fall back asleep now. He should have insisted on waiting until later to talk.

When Alec finally spoke, his voice was soft, barely above a whisper. “I’m not used to someone fussing over me. Usually, my parents were fussing _at_ me. If I had to be helped, it meant I wasn’t strong enough to do it on my own. I’ve always been worried about being seen as less, and I especially don’t want you to see me that way.”

Magnus rolled over and waited until Alec turned over to look at him. “You know I don’t see you like that.”

“I know,” he admitted. “It’s not an excuse, but I spent so long being guarded that I go back there sometimes. I promise I’m trying, and I’m sorry I hurt you.”

Magnus nodded. He knew Alec regretted those moments, and his Shadowhunter really had been trying. Honestly, with Alec’s stoic upbringing, he was surprised his love wasn’t more closed off.

“Maybe I should stay at the Institute when I’m tired or stressed,” Alec suggested.

“Oh, I wouldn’t like that at all.” He reached out and ran his fingers across Alec’s cheek before taking hold of his hand and entwining their fingers. “Please don’t think that I don’t want you here.”

“I don’t want this to be too much, and you decide we shouldn’t be together.”

Magnus squeezed Alec’s hand. “Alexander, we’re nowhere near considering a break-up. We’re learning to be with each other, and we’re addressing concerns. Talking and sharing is how we make our relationship stronger. What you just told me helps me understand where you’re coming from and to not take it so personally.”

“You’re allowed to be upset when I’m acting like a jerk.”

“Yes,” Magnus agreed, “but I love you enough to try to be patient since you are clearly trying. We’re both going to have bad days and as long as we make the effort to not take it out on each other, I think we’ll be ok.”

“I love you.”

He would never get tired of hearing Alec say those words. He tugged on Alec’s hand and opened his arms for Alec to come snuggle against him. “And I love you,” he said as he pulled him closer.


End file.
